Dear Moms, You’ve Chosen What Is Eternal

I was taking a “mom break” recently. And if you are a mom, you know exactly what I’m talking about: You find some junk food, plop down on the couch, and give up monitoring the chaos for a little while. I had the baby in my arms who was struggling to nap and the toddler was smashing up my fake plant with his trucks. (RIP plastic ficus.) I turned on Youtube to catch up on my subscriptions and zone out until nap time.

I clicked on a video from one of my favorite lifestyle vloggers. She was having BBQs with friends, meets ups with adoring fans, hour-long planning sessions with all the pretty bells and whistles, yoga sessions in the park, working on her lifestyle blog from a coffee shop… I looked around at my own environment. I was sitting at home with two kids. No one fawned over me picking up raisins out of the carpet and cleaning crayon marks off various pieces of furniture every day. I am doing well to fit in ten sit-ups a day to combat mom belly, forget sunny time yoga.

What was happening to me?

Envy. I was envying the freedom this girl had to spend on her wants, her desires, and her self. And that led down the slippery slope until I found myself thinking, “why did I have these kids?! I could be living the life right now!!” ….but what is “the life” I’m envying?

The Pursuit of Self

For a long time, there has been a growing trend in our culture of self-fulfillment above everything else. This girl I love to watch is only a few years younger than me. She is single, completely untethered, and consumed with the pursuit of feeling good. Although I love to watch her vlogs and feel inspired by her content, I also find myself hanging my head in disappointment at my own surroundings. She and many others are thriving on their journeys towards a “better life” while I struggle almost constantly.

Is there anything wrong with these people doing what makes them happy? Is it inherently wrong for this girl to make vlogs, have fans, and travel the world? No. Absolutely not.

HOWEVER. There is a big difference between a person in pursuit of God’s will and a person in pursuit of self. The book of Ecclesiastes calls this “chasing after the wind” and heeds us of it:

“I have seen that every [effort in] labor and every skill in work comes from man’s rivalry with his neighbor. This too is vanity (futility, false pride) and chasing after the wind.” #ECC4:4 AMP

Chasing After the Wind = Exchanging what has eternal value for what has temporary value

It began to dawn on me as I sat watching her vlogs that my focus was beginning to shift from my long-term goals of raising Christ-like children to how much I wanted to be able to work uninterrupted on my blog while sipping lattes in a Starbucks. I was almost unconsciously descending into that mindset of laboring to have “the life” I see other people achieving. But at what cost?

It isn’t bad that this girl is able to work on her business at a coffee shop. She is single, after all. But here’s something that her business IS:

Short-term.

And by short-term, I mean, of this world. A vapor. A meaningless chasing after the wind when it all boils down to the scope of eternity. It wouldn’t be bad for me to be doing the same thing she is doing. But for me to strive to achieve that lifestyle when I’ve been called to something higher, namely, raising children, who ARE eternal–such an exchange would be folly.

The Danger of Comparing

So what am I saying? I’m saying, moms, do what you do. Enjoy your life and your hobbies. Better yourself and strive for excellence. If you manage a business, manage with your might! But don’t begin to let those things become a source of envy, drawing you away from your higher calling as a mother.

Moms, we have to stop comparing ourselves to a culture that doesn’t line up with our values. 

It is so easy to compare our lives with others who live in pursuit of self. And we don’t even realize it! We forget that our lives should not look like the world.

It is fun to watch these people in their pursuit of all the good feels, but there is also a pernicious aspect to indulging in this type of content too much. It is easy to fall into this trap for anyone! But especially as moms, we can begin to compare ourselves and start believing that the fluff of life is important. And, as moms with our hands already full (usually with diapers and dirty laundry), we begin to try and emulate that picture perfect world. Or start a business at the expense of time with our children. Or, even worse, feel sorry for ourselves for not being able to achieve this ideal.

Listen to me, moms. It is natural to want to have it all together. It is good to strive for excellence. We live in a broken world that longs for perfection and yet, in this life, is utterly unattainable–no matter HOW perfectly vloggers can edit their lives to appear. They hold the advantage of having more time to make their lives appear that way. I know you know this. I know I know this. But we have to be reminded daily to “be transformed by the renewing of [our minds]” and “not be conformed to this world.” (ROM12:2) In other words, don’t compare. And don’t fall for the trap of chasing after the wind. Especially at the high cost of neglecting your calling as a mother.

You Have Chosen What Is Eternal

Moms, your days are difficult. You constantly sacrifice yourself for the happiness and wellbeing of your children. You work incredibly hard for what seems like little return. Meanwhile, others are getting on with their journeys and drinking of all the world has to offer. And there will be many days you wish you could take road trips, pursue a career, visit coffee shops at your leisure, or just manage to wear a nice outfit and eye liner.

But remember this: what you have chosen is eternal. Keep fighting that fight, don’t give in to chasing the temporary fulfillment of self. Be in the moment and realize that one day your children will thank you. We will all grow old. And as the wind of a perfect life dies down and leaves the sails of those in pursuit of self, you will stand in stark contrast as one surrounded by love, family, and purpose–as one who chose what is eternal.